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Joke of the Week #15
submitted by Greg Lipscomb
JEWISH BUDDHISM
If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?
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Drink tea and nourish life.
With the first sip ... joy.
With the second ... satisfaction.
With the third... peace.
With the fourth... a danish.
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Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.
_____
Accept misfortune as a blessing.
Do not wish for perfect health,
Or a life without problems.
What would you talk about?
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The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "oy."
_____
There is no escaping karma
In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited.
And whose fault was that?
_____
Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?
Bupkes.
_____
The Tao does not speak.
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao is not Jewish.
_____
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
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Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.
And sit up straight.
You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.
_____
Be patient and achieve all things.
Be impatient and achieve all things faster.
_____
To Find the Buddha, look within.
Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist.
_____
To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance,
do
the
following:
Get rid of the motorcycle.
What were you thinking?
_____
Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal llness.
_____
The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself."
The Buddha says there is no "self."
So, maybe you are off the hook.
Shabbat Morning Service
