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Joke of the Week #19
submitted by Adrienne Umansky
Jewish Haiku
Lacking fins or tail
the gefilte fish swims with
great difficulty.
Beyond Valium,
peace is knowing one's child
is an internist.
On Passover we
opened the door for Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.
After the warm rain
the sweet smell of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?
Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
of her friend's disease.
Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
to the seventh grade.
Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she sighs softly.
But her son is forty.
The sparkling blue sea
reminds me to wait an hour
after my sandwich.
Like a bonsai tree,
is your terrible posture
at my dinner table.
Jews on safari --
map, compass, elephant gun,
hard sucking candies.
The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann's.
The shivah visit:
so sorry about your loss.
Now back to my problems.
Mom, please! There is no
need to put that dinner roll
in your pocketbook.
Seven-foot Jews in
the NBA slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings.
Sorry I'm not home
to take your call. At the tone
please state your bad news.
Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?
Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
Five-day forecast: feh
Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Meshuganah
Oy! To be fluent!
Quietly murmured
at Saturday Synagogue services,
Yanks 5, Red Sox 3
A lovely nose ring,
excuse me while I put my
head in the oven.
Hard to tell under the lights.
White Yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness
Shabbat Morning Service
